Engrish legalese word soup

I thought I’d go through my spam folder, Google is so efficient at stripping the spam that I never get to see it. Amongst the mess of V1/gra p1llz and associated rubbish I came across this email. Not only does it read like a badly produced 1980s VCR manual, but it’s full of random legalese words too.

Dear,

I am Attorney Loo Tan Leng (Esq),the managing attorney for Leng & Co Associates (Malaysia).

It is explicable for you to grow apprehensive reading from me since there was no previous exchange between us. However, I implore your attention on the subject matter here contained.

A deceased client of mine, who died in 2002, had left large sum of money in his bank account totaling USD Six Million approximately. Documents of the account are in possession.

Upon maturity legal responsibilities, the bank has requested that I present the beneficiary of the Estate. This reason underscores my contacting you since you share the same family name with the deceased.

I am disposed to present you to the bank as the beneficiary of the Estate after procurement of necessary documentations applicable for inheritance.

Please be assured that there is no ramification (legal or otherwise) in the means of consummating this transaction hence the process and procedure will be conducted in accordance with legal applicable requirements.

Please, revert accordingly to indicate your interest to be part of the aforementioned transaction.

Sincerely

Barrister Loo Tan Leng Esq

Principal/Managing Attorney

So if you’d like to receive this vast sum of cash, or if you’re a patrolling spambot looking for email addresses… lootan_leng@mail.kz

And here is an excellent variation on the traditional Nigerian scam mail

United Parcel Service of America

IN REGARD TO YOUR PACKAGE FROM (UPS) UNITED PARCEL SERVICE OF AMERICA.

YOUR PACKAGE WILL BE RETURNED BACK TO THE FINANCE DEPARTMENT IF THE CHARGE FEE TO ENABLE SHIPMENT IS NOT PAID WHICH IS $100 ONLY.

Note that we were instructed to email you, due to the high priority of your package And everything will be taken good care by me.

I have been awaiting for you to contact me for the delivery of your MASTERCARD WHICH WORTH TWENTY MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLAR ($20,000,000).

I want you to know that your package which worth TWENTY MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLAR ($20,000,000) has been with us for the pass few weeks now and we are waiting for your confirmation of message so that we can deliver the ATM CARD to you.

Due to the distance between your residential address and our office here in Nigeria there are only two ways your MASTERCARD package can get to you and this include all back up document to secure it during shipment.

Below are the TWO OPTION needed for you to get your package.

OPTION ONE: YOU NEED TO TRAVEL TO NIGERIA AND GET THE PACKAGE IN OUR OFFICE
OR
OPTION TWO: THE PACKAGE WILL BE SHIPPED TO YOU THROUGH UPS SECURE SERVICE AND YOU WILL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SHIPPING CHARGE FEE.

My advice to you now is to choice the shipping option to prevent you for wasting your time and money.

The charge fee required to enable a secure shipment to you is $100 only and this include the security keeping charge fee.

If you preferred the shipping service get back to me and i will send to you the payment details you will need to send the charge fee $100 via western union so shipment can commence once the charge fee is received.

AWAIT YOUR REPLY.

UPS INTERNATIONAL DELIVERY DEPARTMENT
12 DENLOT STREET.
IKEJA,LAGOS
NIGERIA
HEAD MANAGER
MR DANIEL A. MARIO

They really didn’t think that through very well… I can either pay $100 to claim my Mastercard worth $20,000,000. Or I can fly to Nigeria to collect it in person. Hmm… flights to Nigeria are quite expensive, but hey… once I’ve got my Mastercard I can pay it easily.

Whoo, let’s go on holiday!

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