Welcome to the timewasting top up line!

Why is this not simple?

Hi there! I’m an annoying phone system from a well known UK mobile phone operator! I know you want to top your phone up, that’s why you dialled 4444. However, before we get to the bit where you give us money, let’s tell you about some irrelevant special offers! Did you know that if you give us £15 you can win prizes! Just top up £15 or more to be in with more chance to win it big.

Now, if you’re still listening, I need to tell you about the terms and conditions, so press # to hear them otherwise… if you have used this card before, mash the keypad followed by hash… now type in your inner leg length in whole furlongs, followed by hash so for example if your leg is … and now type in the last three digits on the back of your mother’s VISA card …

We’re sorry, your topup was not successful, would you like to go around in an endless loop and try again and again? Or would you like to dig out that unused VISA card you have in a box somewhere and try that? Please remember that the simple act of topping up your phone will trigger a call from your bank’s anti-fraud team so be at home tomorrow at 4am when they ring. Once you’ve dealt with that your card will never work on our system again. You could always top up using that plastic card we gave you, but we’re betting you lost that shortly after putting the SIM in your phone.

It really should be a short, straight to the point system. Type in card numbers, type in back of card numbers, type in amount, job done. It really doesn’t need to tell me all the special prizes I can win in competitions if I top up the phone. I definitely don’t want to know about these awesome surprises when I can choose between a crappy “free day out”, “£5 off at Interflora” or a “Music Download”.

Tomorrow’s rant: Why do I have to pay an extra £7.50 for Internet Teathering on my iPhone 4 when it already comes with 500MB of Internet as part of the Simplicity tariff?

One thought on “Welcome to the timewasting top up line!”

  1. And what do you know! The next morning I got a message from my bank’s fraud team querying the phone topup.

    Which means that none of my plastic cards will work with O2 ever again.

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