Weekend BBQ fun

It wasn’t raining at the weekend which means tradition dictates we have a barbequeue barbecue BBQ. Mind you, being English if it was raining we’d still have a BBQ. I’ve lit fires in driving rain before, it’s a necessary skill if you want to burn anything in Britain.

I own a little bucket BBQ from Sainsbury’s, it’s a convenient and portable thing but has a design fault in that there’s not enough holes to let air in. This means the BBQ goes out quite easily, leaving you with a very unsatisfactory semi raw kebab. Rather than admit defeat and turn the grill on, I had a root around in my kitchen and came back with some BBQ lighter fluid, more charcoal and a footpump.

The footpump is necessary after my attempts at blowing on the embers left me feeling somewhat light headed. The footpump worked very well, turning the little bucket BBQ into a little bucket blast-furnace. I’ll modify the BBQ by drilling more holes in it to improve airflow; Summer’s coming and there’s more food to turn into elemental carbon.

I like to do my BBQ cooking outside my front door, which faces a busy main road. I do have a perfectly good back yard to do this on, but it’s unfair on my neighbours if my BBQ makes their washing smell bad. I also like the idea of people coming down the road seeing someone hunched over a bucket of fire cooking meat. It’s grim up north, we cook our food over open fires outside our houses 😉

I’m now looking at my garden incinerator and wondering how to hook a plastic footpump up to that without it melting. One of those chiminea garden heaters might be a nice purchase in the future.

I need drugs

So, it turns out I have oral thrush, which is interesting. In the mornings it feels like someone has carefully dried out my nose, mouth, throat and then rinsed the whole thing with some stale beer. It’s quite unpleasant really, but in a non-specific way; nothing really hurts, but it’s just … not right.

I went to the doctors and after poking a torch in my mouth he happily told me it was thrush, and that some lozenges will sort it. One prescription later … I don’t have any lozenges. The local pharmacy has none and says there are “manufacturing problems” so they can’t get any either. Tomorrow I will try the Tesco across the road from school.

Today at work it was decided that a fire drill would be a good idea… five minutes before morning break. So the whole of break was spent stood on the astroturf with some rather irritated children. There were also quite a lot of worms, quite a lot of screaming girls, and lots of boys playing with the worms.

There are now less worms.

Bonfire axed in green move – Wakefield Express

Bonfire axed in green move – Wakefield Express.

Yes, in a fantastic feat of non-thinking, we’re not having a bonfire this year… because it causes pollution.

THE annual bonfire at Thornes Park was cancelled this year by eco-friendly council bosses.

Wakefield Council decided to axe the event, which is usually part of a fireworks night, in a bid to reduce its carbon footprint.

Lisa Dodd, Wakefield Council’s service director for sport and culture, said: “As part of our drive to reduce our carbon emissions we decided not to have a bonfire.

“We will of course listen to what people have to say on whether they want to see a bonfire reinstated next year and balance this with working towards the district becoming even more eco-friendly.”

In other news, we are having the power cut to our homes at 6pm until 6am to also cut down on our carbon emissions, and the Christmas lights will not be turned on to save energy.

Photos from the weekend


After an excellent weekend that possibly involved eating more cake than the average person is supposed to consume in a year, I have just emptied my digital camera. Having way too many photos for the likes of Flickr I have copied them to my own photo server. Follow the link above to see them all. What follows are the highlights 🙂

People in the photos: Vikki Beerman Pink Fearie and me.

Duck and cover!

Fireworks are fun. But remember kids, they are also dangerous! This pretty image is of a large rocket that had a major primary thruster failure.

Mission control was primed, the ignition system was set and the launch pad clear. The IGBM (Inter-garden ballistic missile) slotted into its launch vehicle and the countdown started.

At T-minus 5 seconds (ish) the camera started rolling. The main booster lit, thrust was attained and then, due to catastrophic failure of the main propulsion system the rocket armed its payload early. Emergency procedure ‘Fuck! Duck and cover!’ was cleanly initiated, followed by the man next door letting us know he was safe and well by shouting various very rude words at us.

From reviewing the launch it seems the rocket took off, lifted about two feet off the ground and then exploded. I distinctly remember bits of firework landing on my head.

Bank Holiday BBQ

It’s May Bank Holiday – the traditional time to either spend hours in your car going somewhere, a day lying in the sun, or having a barbequeue. Traditionally the day is supposed to start with the exclamation of “oh great, it’s raining”. Not today though.

Me and Amy went to visit our good friend Beerman for the day for a Texmex barbequeue. There was plenty of meat, lovingly prepared earlier that morning by the one and only MetalChef, Johnny.

There was also fire…

I must make a mental note to hide anything flammable the next time Amy comes round to visit 😉

Fire Alarm!

The fire alarm went off today in Period 5 which was quite good. I was sat stewing in my classroom falling asleep with the heat when the bells started ringing. Everyone shuffled out the school in a quiet, orderly manner and spent ten minutes in the sun on the bus park while we tried to line them up in register order and check nobody had vanished.

Bank holiday weekend starts tomorrow. Hopefully it won’t rain, me and Amy are off to a barbequeue.

Mass tidy up

Spent most of today helping Amy tidy her new bedroom that her old housemate used to inhabit. Since her previous housemate was a dirty person with no concept of hygiene we decided to remove the carpet and put a new piece down. We also started stripping wall paper and disposing of quite a large stash of naked-lady magazines that he had been hoarding.

We have no idea what he used to do on his carpet, and really don’t want to think too hard either, but there were quite a lot of stains that had gone through to the underlay.

Once the carpet was down I set up a small fish tank that I’d bought. It’s now whirring away and has to be left alone for a week to make the water fit for fish.

To finish off we had a barbequeue in the dark and cold. It being so cold things were beginning to freeze by the time it’d got to the marshmallow course. Barbequeues always have several courses – the raw sausage starters, cremated burger appetiser, char…everthinged chicken main with extra soot and ash, followed by volcanic marshmallows.

Pinkening of the keyboard

Amy has a slightly naff keyboard, it’s a small laptop-style one with the only redeeming feature being it’s bright pink (not that I like pink you understand, but on Planet Amy, anything pink is good… no matter how bad it is 😉 ) And you know, the keys stick and she gets frustrated with it so I thought I could lend a hand.

Read on to see some photos of the progress…

Continue reading Pinkening of the keyboard